


the gender apocalypse is imminent

by arachonteur



Series: Burning Down the House Excerpts [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Other, Trans Female Character, Trans Girl Dave Strider, Trans Girl Jade Harley, Trans Girl Roxy Lalonde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-11-08 04:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20829167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arachonteur/pseuds/arachonteur
Summary: the pseudo-death of everyone's favorite seizure-inducing coolkid catsprite brings the dread beast of gender to the table.





	1. davesprite

DAVE: oh   
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: hey i didnt know you were still around   
DAVE: thought you went off to become a catgirl   
DAVESPRITE: yeah   
DAVESPRITE: well   
DAVESPRITE: troll girl/human person hybrid  
DAVESPRITE: its all kinds of fucked up in there   
DAVESPRITE: even by our standards   
DAVESPRITE: you know baggage?  
DAVESPRITE: shit got SO unpacked   
DAVESPRITE: like instantly  
DAVESPRITE: the shit went to its hotel room   
DAVESPRITE: couldnt find its only pair of underwear  
DAVESPRITE: threw every goddamn sock the shit had on the ugly carpet  
DAVE: but you are here.... now   
DAVESPRITE: yeah about that   
DAVESPRITE: seems like sprites are on their way out  
DAVESPRITE: now that theres bodies again janes been reviving the trolls that got jammed in together   
DAVESPRITE: with guidance from kanaya and karkat  
DAVESPRITE: did you know one of them was like   
DAVESPRITE: a real nazi  
DAVE: wait which one   
DAVESPRITE: the fish one   
DAVE: damn   
DAVE: she didnt seem like the type   
DAVE: you think you know someone  
DAVESPRITE: no the other fish   
DAVE: oh that one   
DAVE: yeah that tracks  
DAVE: wasnt she like an alternate version of betty crocker herself  
DAVESPRITE: no not her  
DAVESPRITE: god you fucking idiot   
DAVE: oh goddamn it   
DAVE: how many fish trolls were there  
DAVE: was it the greaser one   
DAVESPRITE: okay yeah that one too but thats not the one im talking about either  
DAVE: i am so shocked and disappointed by a softboy being ideologically reprehensible  
DAVESPRITE: okay now youre fucking with me   
DAVE: i legitimately have no idea who youre referring to   
DAVESPRITE: the british one   
DAVESPRITE: troll british  
DAVESPRITE: okay i dont think he was actually troll british  
DAVESPRITE: or if thats a thing   
DAVESPRITE: but you could hear it in his quirk  
DAVE: oh that one   
DAVE: called it   
DAVESPRITE: clearly  
DAVE: did they bring him back  
DAVESPRITE: no  
DAVESPRITE: fuck no   
DAVESPRITE: what the fuck no  
DAVESPRITE: anyway  
DAVESPRITE: john should be taking you all back into the medium soon   
DAVESPRITE: fight lord english or whatever   
DAVESPRITE: get all trapped in the ultimate weapon   
DAVESPRITE: gotta get in before arquius kicks it   
DAVESPRITE: hes apparently important   
DAVESPRITE: and then vriskas gonna let you out   
DAVE: vriskas gonna do something helpful and effective for us   
DAVESPRITE: yeah whats the issue  
DAVE: none i guess  
DAVESPRITE: there is a catch though  
DAVE: fuck  
DAVESPRITE: i dunno how long youll actually be in there  
DAVESPRITE: maybe not at all actually  
DAVESPRITE: john said it was more like a hole than like   
DAVESPRITE: a box  
DAVESPRITE: if it was a box youd be in there forever   
DAVESPRITE: hed tape it shut and just shove it in a closet somewhere  
DAVESPRITE: thus ends the tale of our heroes   
DAVE: pour one out   
DAVESPRITE: f   
DAVE: seems fine   
DAVESPRITE: also  
DAVESPRITE: i probably wont be there  
DAVESPRITE: there is definitely a countdown going on   
DAVESPRITE: i cant see the numbers  
DAVESPRITE: but i can hear it ticking   
DAVESPRITE: has been since i came back  
DAVESPRITE: and its been going for so much longer than i expected  
DAVESPRITE: but clocks more zeroes than not now   
DAVE: okay i guess  
DAVE: id ask if you made peace with this   
DAVE: but i guess youve been living like this for a while  
DAVESPRITE: yeah there used to be issues   
DAVESPRITE: but theres not really  
DAVESPRITE: not anymore   
DAVESPRITE: im okay with it   
DAVESPRITE: im okay with a lot of things  
DAVESPRITE: not really much reason to push yknow   
DAVE: yeah you kinda got a shit deal huh  
DAVESPRITE: yeah i did  
DAVESPRITE: it happens  
DAVESPRITE: fair warning though   
DAVESPRITE: youre gonna remember some shit once i fade  
DAVESPRITE: id suggest talking to jade or roxy about it   
DAVESPRITE: if not youre gonna fucking internalize it   
DAVESPRITE: and itll make you miserable forever   
DAVESPRITE: more so than you already are bitch   
DAVE: you dont KNOW that   
DAVESPRITE: yes i do bitch   
DAVESPRITE: i am you   
DAVESPRITE: and you KNOW im speakin from experience  
DAVESPRITE: i couldnt ever really tell my jade about it  
DAVESPRITE: made things kinda awkward between us   
DAVESPRITE: but between you and me  
DAVESPRITE: i think she always kinda knew   
DAVE: oh god   
DAVESPRITE: yeah its like that   
DAVESPRITE: thats the exact feeling  
DAVESPRITE: great start   
DAVESPRITE: youre gonna kick ass at it   



	2. roxy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's roxy.

DAVE: hey mom  
ROXY: u still callin me that huh  
DAVE: yeah listen   
DAVE: its not a weird thing   
DAVE: ive put all that behind me   
DAVE: didnt really like  
DAVE: feel good to say  
DAVE: dunno why i did for so long   
DAVE: that said  
DAVE: its more inline with this conversation  
DAVE: gotta get in the right mindset  
ROXY: oh dear   
DAVE: its not a good conversation were gonna have here  
DAVE: might as well get deep in the shit   
DAVE: got my fuckin snorkel and oxygen tank  
DAVE: mesprite told me to talk to you about it is the thing   
DAVE: i should  
DAVE: probably have talked to jade about it first actually   
DAVE: god   
DAVE: shit  
DAVE: goddamn it   
ROXY: ?   
ROXY: alright   
DAVE: fuck  
DAVE: im not sure how to approach this   
DAVE: you know gender  
ROXY: absolutely not   
ROXY: not in this house   
ROXY: im lighting incense right the fuck now   
ROXY: begone gender spirits  
DAVE: okay nvm my bad  
ROXY: oh god that read extremely wrong i bet   
ROXY: god   
ROXY: were really fuckin in it now huh   
ROXY: yeah i know gender   
ROXY: whatre you thinkin specifically   
DAVE: you know uhhhh  
DAVE: girls  
ROXY: fuck YES i know girls   
ROXY: every day i am knowing girls   
ROXY: love them love 2 be one  
DAVE: yeah thats more what i expected  
DAVE: christ okay   
DAVE: how do i say this  
ROXY: ?  
DAVE: im tryin to figure it out   
DAVE: theres like  
DAVE: a brick wall between me and what i wanna say  
DAVE: and i am not the koolaid man   
DAVE: im no kind of man at all  
DAVE: that was an extremely fucking tortured sentence  
DAVE: do i just say like.   
DAVE: "well im that. im girls"  
DAVE: do i lead into it a little more like   
DAVE: "ive been thinking about gender"  
DAVE: which is bullshit because nobody thinks about gender   
DAVE: maybe ill just show up one day in the banginest cocktail dress there is   
DAVE: and everyone just knows  
DAVE:   
DAVE: roxy please help   
DAVE: ive just realized ive said all this out loud   
ROXY: pfpffftthf  
ROXY: okay listen   
DAVE: listening   
ROXY: girls are good as hell   
ROXY: and i will play w u in this space bud  
ROXY: say the word and ill crack open the alchemiter  
ROXY: get u the freshest of kix  
DAVE:  
DAVE: ok hell yeah   
DAVE: gonna change pronouns too probably   
ROXY: FUCK yea  
ROXY: were gonna get out to the remains of pennyslvania   
ROXY: take u the fuck out to her/she's park  
DAVE: hold on lemme google like 3 of those things  
DAVE: oh   
DAVE: really good pun thanks mom  
ROXY: haha hell yeah   
ROXY: ive been savin that one for a while   
ROXY: callie loved it too  
ROXY: (after i uh)  
ROXY: (explained it to her :'''') )  
DAVE: sick   
ROXY: also this might b a bit 2 far but   
ROXY: daves a pretty gendered name to a lotta people?  
ROXY: do you wanna change it  
DAVE: maybe   
DAVE: i dunno what id change it to   
DAVE: names are kinda weird and nebulous to me   
DAVE: like i could just as easily be chad buskin or some shit   
DAVE: just gotta kinda feel it out yknow   
ROXY: yea give it a thot  
DAVE: hmmmm  
ROSE:   
ROXY: that ones taken already  
ROSE: damn   
DAPHNE:   
ROXY: like from scooby doo?  
DAPHNE: i mean  
DAPHNE: i guess it can be   
DAPHNE: its just the closest feminine version  
DAPHNE: its got a lot of the same shapes  
DAPHNE: dont like that trope much though   
DAPHNE: most of all i guess the thing is   
DAPHNE: it just doesnt feel right for me   
ROXY: ya thats the most important thing huh   
ROXY:  
ROXY:  
ROXY:   
ROXY: thats definitely not it   
DAVE: yeah youre right  
DAVE: i dunno   
ROXY: its cool you dont gotta change your name at all if you dont wanna  
ROXY: u said some real shit abt a cocktail dress tho  
ROXY: whatre you lookin for in the LOOKS ZONE   
DAVE: uhhhhhhhh i donot know   
DAVE: might as well run the gamut of fashion  
ROXY: hmmm  
ROXY: god pjs can help with that i think   
DAVE: yeah i guess but i dont fuckin know anything about fashion  
DAVE: i had one suit and made it a bunch of different colors   
ROXY: i bet they looked sick as hell tho  
DAVE: they did but if you think im gonna put on a suit after this youre dead wrong   
ROXY: ill pick up some old dresses then  
ROXY: maybe get rose on board?  
DAVE: absolutely not yet   
ROXY: hm  
DAVE: i kinda wanna go at it all at once   
ROXY: fair enough   
DAVE: i havent even told karkat yet  
DAVE: shit   
DAVE: god im gonna have to have that conversation too huh   
ROXY: convos are what make the world go round bud   
ROXY: u can never have 2 many convos abt nothin   
ROXY: but its even better when ur talkin shit abt SOMETHIN   
ROXY: and its good to get it out there i think  



	3. karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's karkat.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --  
TG: yo dogg  
TG:   
TG: karkat   
TG: karkles  
TG: karkitty  
TG: karkalicious  
TG: you know you love these obnoxious nicknames  
TG: oh heres a new one   
TG: my love   
TG: psych i KNOW ive called you that before  
TG: maybe i havent   
TG: cant keep track of all the shit i say on a daily basis   
TG: gotta keep the rhythm going yknow   
TG: knight of rhyme and flow baby   
TG: oh shit those are single syllables  
TG: secret 13th and 14th aspects  
TG: could you imagine if those were real  
TG: theyre not and thank god for that   
TG: what would they even cover   
TG: like "shit being the same as itself"   
TG: and like "shit continuing to happen"  
TG: everything already happens so much   
TG: dont really need an aspect for that one   
CG: DAVE WHAT THE FUCK.   
TG: hello my love  
CG: HI.   
CG: WHAT'S UP. NORMALLY YOU LEAVE "SOME BARS" HERE.  
CG: ARE YOU DOING OKAY.   
TG: yeah im fine   
TG: we gotta talk   
CG: IS THAT NOT WHAT WE'RE DOING RIGHT NOW?   
TG: no i mean   
TG: face 2 face  
TG: 2 face 2 furious  
TG: face to face tokyo drift baby   
CG: I'M AT WORK RIGHT NOW.   
TG: do you have a boss now   
CG: I GUESS NOT.  
CG: BUT LEAVING MY INTERN UNATTENDED IS A BAD IDEA.  
TG: oh right   
CG: YEAH.   
TG: hows that whole SITUATION going   
TG: he stab you yet  
CG: ...YEAH.  
TG: oh shit are you okay   
CG: I DID KIND OF BRING IT ON MYSELF.   
TG: haha holy shit   
CG: I'LL TRY AND GET HIM CORRALED SOMEWHERE.   
CG: FABRICATE PAPERWORK OR SOMETHING.   
CG: THAT DUDE IS LIKE A FUCKING PAPERWORK SAVANT.   
CG: DUDE KNOWS EXACTLY WHERE EVERYTHING GOES AND HOW MANY FORMS HE NEEDS TO FILL OUT AND EVERYTHING.   
TG: really   
TG: thats fucked up   
TG: all he really did for us was stab rose and john a lot   
CG: YEAH NO, HE WAS A FUCKING MURDER MACHINE WHEN I MET HIM.  
CG: BUT NOW HE'S LIKE.   
CG: A NORMAL GUY.   
TG: he did stab you  
CG: YEAH.   
TG: listen ill tend your wounds for you when youre off work   
TG: shits gonna be off the wall in hurt/comfort  
TG: that ones raising straight to the top of the pile on some 15 year old girls reading list   
TG: gonna be so fucking TENDER   
TG: but then after youre no longer battlescarred  
TG: i got somethin i gotta tell you   
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WOULDN'T JUST TELL ME HERE IF IT'S SO PANTS-SHITTINGLY IMPORTANT.   
TG: i wanna tell you to your face  
CG: OH.  
CG: ALRIGHT THEN. I'LL TRY AND GET OFF WORK AS SOON AS I CAN.  
TG: cool cool   
TG: ill be at the combination crabhive and texas apartment   
TG: peace  
CG: LATER.   
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --  
  
KARKAT: HI.  
DAVE: sup   
KARKAT:   
DAVE:   
KARKAT:   
DAVE:   
KARKAT:  
DAVE:  
KARKAT:  
DAVE:   
KARKAT:   
DAVE:   
KARKAT:  
DAVE:  
KARKAT:   
DAVE: did you see the meme that john post-  
KARKAT: IF THAT'S HONESTLY WHAT YOU CALLED ME HOME FROM WORK EARLY FOR WE'RE BREAKING UP.  
DAVE: okay   
DAVE: it was really funny though here look   
  
KARKAT: OKAY THAT IS REALLY FUNNY.   
KARKAT: WAS THIS REALLY IT?   
DAVE: no  
DAVE:  
DAVE: its tough to talk about though   
DAVE: like i dont wanna just say it   
DAVE: feels flippant   
DAVE: and its not even a particularly sick flip   
DAVE: its like a 90 degree turn in a skate park  
DAVE: hardly even a flip at all really  
DAVE:   
DAVE:   
DAVE: it was easier with roxy because shes like my mom   
DAVE: she has no choice but to deal with me   
DAVE: and she like  
DAVE: gets it shes been there  
KARKAT:   
KARKAT: IS THIS A HUMAN GENDER THING.   
DAVE:   
DAVE: no  
DAVE:   
DAVE: wait  
DAVE:   
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: yeah it is   
DAVE: im gonna try some shit out   
DAVE: gonna like  
DAVE: change my pronouns and stuff   
KARKAT: ALRIGHT.  
DAVE: probably change some stuff around here too   
DAVE: i havent really cleaned up since like  
DAVE: the game started   
DAVE: gotta tear down my posters and shit   
KARKAT: WAIT YOU FORGOT TO TELL ME THE PRONOUNS YOU WERE TRYING.   
DAVE: oh shit   
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: she  
DAVE: they   
DAVE: maybe an its if i feel saucy   
DAVE: the whole gamut   
DAVE: just not he   
KARKAT: ALRIGHT.   
DAVE: i got a question for you though   
DAVE: does this like  
DAVE: change things  
DAVE: about us   
DAVE: about like   
DAVE: our deal   
KARKAT: WHY WOULD IT.   
DAVE: i dunno what trolls feel about gender  
KARKAT: I CAN TELL YOU.  
DAVE: fuck yes tell me all about troll biology baby  
KARKAT: IT'S FUCKING BABY'S FIRST DAY ON THE DEADUCATOR'S SHELL BLOCK.  
KARKAT: I'M GENUINELY SURPRISED YOU HAVEN'T PICKED THIS UP JUST THROUGH CULTURAL OSMOSIS.  
KARKAT: WHEN YOU'RE A GRUB YOU'RE PICKED BY A LUSUS TO BE RAISED BY.  
KARKAT: AND WHEN YOU'RE PICKED YOUR LUSUS WILL INSTILL ITS OWN TRAITS UPON YOU, TO BE INHERITED DURING PUPATION.  
KARKAT: SO WHEN YOU'VE WORMED YOUR WAY TO THE TOP OF THE BROODING PILE AND CAN FINALLY PUPATE.  
KARKAT: YOU'RE AUTOMATICALLY ASSIGNED A GENDERSTRATA, BY YOUR LUSUS.  
KARKAT: GENDERSTRATAS ARE COLLECTIONS OF GENDERS THAT ARE SHARED BY YOUR LUSUS.  
KARKAT: THERE ARE AN INCONSISTENT AMOUNT OF GENDERS PER GENDERSTRATA. IT'S QUITE INFURIATING.  
KARKAT: SO INSTEAD PEOPLE WILL TAKE ON SOCIETAL ROLES THAT ACUTELY REFLECT THE HUMAN CONSTRUCT OF GENDER BINARIES.  
KARKAT: SO TO SOME EXTENT I UNDERSTAND.  
KARKAT: SACRIFICES MUST BE MADE TO EASILY PORTRAY THEM.  
KARKAT: THE 6 GENDERSTRATA ARE AS FOLLOWS.  
KARKAT: ANIMAL. PLANT. FUNGAL. PROTIST. ARCHAEA. AND BACTERIA.   
KARKAT: EACH ONE HAS ITS OWN SUBSET OF GENDERS.  
KARKAT: BUT MOST TROLLS WIND UP WITH ANIMAL LUSUSES AND WIND UP IN THE ANIMAL GENDERSTRATA.   
KARKAT: IT'S A BIOLOGICAL THING.   
KARKAT: AND WHEN YOU EMERGE FROM YOUR CHRYSALIS, AFTER BEING BROKEN DOWN INTO GRUBSAUCE, AND BEING RECONSTRUCTED AS A CHITINOUS BEING.  
KARKAT: AND NOT AS A SOFT FUCKING WIGGLER.   
KARKAT: YOU ARE ASSIGNED A GENDER FROM YOUR GENDERSTRATA.  
KARKAT: BASED ON THE CHARACTERISTICS INHERITED FROM YOUR LUSUS.  
DAVE: what like a crab dick or something  
KARKAT: NO DON'T BE FUCKING WEIRD.   
DAVE: i dont know for real dude  
KARKAT: NO, LIKE...  
KARKAT: TEREZI'S SCALES. OR THE VAGUE FLUFF AROUND KANAYA'S NECK.   
DAVE: i have no fucking idea what youre talking about   
KARKAT: PAY MORE ATTENTION TO YOUR FRIENDS.   
DAVE: youre the one talking about your friends weird scales   
KARKAT: IT'S A TROLL THING, AND YOU ASKED.  
KARKAT: YOU'RE THE ONE MAKING IT FUCKING WEIRD.  
DAVE: yeah i guess were fuckin deep in the paint now   
DAVE: i think im just a girl though and not like   
DAVE: a shittake mushroom girl   
DAVE: or like a crow girl  
DAVE: actually hold on   
DAVE: i could get down with that one   
DAVE: yeah ill call myself a fuckin crow girl that rules   
KARKAT: (:B   
DAVE: haha i cannot believe you trust me with that  
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?   
DAVE: every time you do that i assume its like a secret thing you do just for me   
DAVE: because you dont do it with fuckin ANYONE else   
DAVE: and i wanna tell everyone about it   
DAVE: bc  
DAVE: i love it   
DAVE: thats all i wanted to say i think   
DAVE: i kinda wanna   
DAVE: play some fuckin   
DAVE: thugpro   
DAVE: you down   
KARKAT: FUCK YEAH.   
KARKAT: I AM ALWAYS EXCITED FOR THE ADVENTURES OF ZEKE TEENWEED.  
DAVE: oh shit dude i forgot i made that guy  



	4. jade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's jade.

>   
Dave is wandering around a deflooded Olive Garden.   
They're looking for something.   
Something delicious.  
Also, they're pretty clearly putting off some conversations.  
>   
They wander the Olive Garden for a bit, examining the fucked up shit from the floods.  
They attempt to open the freezer by leveraging it open with a sword.  
They break the sword on the door.   
And topple into some crates.   
Like an idiot.  
And they pull out their phone.   
And have the fucking conversation already.  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --  
TG: hey jade   
TG: i uh  
TG: probably should have come to you first for this actually  
TG: apparently you just know   
TG: like youre omniscient or some shit   
TG: just like the good ol days of you knowing shit about me   
TG: anyway its about gender   
GG: oh jeez.  
GG: i thought we left all the gender in the last universe!! :o  
GG: we cant have grubs getting into that oh no   
TG: yeah we all fuckin hate gender i get it   
TG: i just kinda wanted to ask you a question   
TG: but its kinda heavy so if you wanna pass i get you  
GG: um....  
GG: ask away i guess!  
GG: ill do my best to answer.   
TG: what was our davesprite like when you knew them  
TG: not the one that was running around that got fused to nepeta  
TG: the one you dated   
TG: and the one that died with john  
GG: hm...  
GG: that is a lot heavier than i expected!   
GG: you didnt really pull the punch like i expected you to.  
GG: well first off. they were  
GG: softer, than you were at that same age   
GG: maybe its just the way that they acted but   
GG: it seemed like things got to them easier than they did to you  
GG: a lot of our time together was   
GG: not very romantic honestly.   
GG: i dont want to be rude!   
GG: especially now that they're. gone.   
GG: because its just how they were. but they were kind of a bad partner  
GG: they didnt hurt me or anything   
GG: they just didnt seem all there you know?   
GG: they just worried a lot about their john, their rose, their jade.   
GG: we would talk about stuff and it seemed like she would always kinda be in her own head   
TG: she  
GG: fuck!  
GG: might as well stop beating around the bush then....  
GG: yeah she.  
GG: i guess you're in the same place she was then? :o   
TG: maybe  
TG: depends on what the place is   
TG: is it a low-cost accessible italian family dining establishment  
TG: because that is the place im at right now   
GG: :O!   
GG: get me a breadstick   
TG: fuck no   
GG: :'(  
TG: ok i would but   
TG: all the breadsticks are messed the fuck up   
TG: archaic 400-year-old breadsticks  
TG: preserving these breadsticks just aint worth it   
TG: nobodys gonna go to the museum of dessicated bread lumps   
TG: fuck that  
TG: im in here for the recipes   
TG: make my own goddamn breadsticks   
TG: queen of the bakery step the fuck aside jane   
GG: queen.  
TG: fuck   
TG: yeah queen   
TG: is that the nonliteral place davesprite was in   
TG: i guess it had to be huh   
GG: yeah.   
GG: we would talk about it.   
GG: and she drew some stuff about it...  
GG: and i drew some stuff about it!   
GG: it was. nice.   
GG: she didn't know how to tell john about it.   
GG: i understood.   
GG: ive been there myself  
GG: hehe...  
GG: im very grateful we didnt meet in real life until after i figured that out  
GG: it would have been CATASTROPHIC!   
GG: showing up in the medium to hunt for frogs with the stubble of a 13-year-old boy?   
GG: id have DIED FOR REAL   
GG: and then i did die for real anyway ._.  
TG: you always have been ahead of the game i guess   
GG: i did have a leg up! :o   
GG: i was awake on prospit for so many years   
GG: i got to explore the space   
GG: living every night as my dream self   
TG: i didnt know dreamselves worked that way   
TG: god i wish i knew that earlier   
TG: showin up to derse prom with the sickest fuckin look   
GG: what kinda sick look!!! :O   
TG:   
TG: good question  
TG: ive been thinkin   
TG:   
TG:   
TG: i dont have anything yet   
GG: thats okay!   
GG: my look used to be just a t shirt and long skirt!   
GG: you can do ANYTHING when you kill gender   
TG: haha yeah   
TG: what did davesprite draw  
GG: um....  
GG: a lot of dicks, mostly  
TG: of course  
TG: every me is a comedic genius   
TG: why would they not   
GG: but i helped her draw a lot of stuff too  
GG: dresses and stuff  
GG: i kind of snapped at john and jane earlier because they almost threw some of them away   
GG: and um. didnt apologize  
GG: i should probably go do that   
TG: yeah thats a good idea  
TG: he came to me almost cryin about that one   
TG: said it was SO weird   
GG: crying?? D: D: D:   
TG: probably not really crying   
TG: but enough to break his facade about it   
GG: oh dear.   
TG: yeah hes sad but whatever  
TG: hes been sad before hell be sad again  
TG: the long and the short of it is im a girl   
GG: welcome to the club!!!! :D   
GG: davesprite used she her but are you also there?  
TG: yeah   
GG: perfect  
GG: heres the captcha for a pronouns pin.   
GG: 8872b413  
GG: oh!!! who all knows.  
GG: i've been very protective of davesprite's secret. my lips are SEALED. :X  
GG: and i don't wanna out you before youre ready  
TG: uhhhh  
TG: roxy  
TG: karkat  
TG: you   
TG: i feel like dirk does too   
TG: like i feel like i told him that but i didnt  
TG: maybe i slipped up and backpedalled on the roof that one time   
TG: and just forgot   
TG: thats something id do   
TG: but god i hope that isnt the case  
GG: i see.   
TG: yeah   
TG: oh also nepeta MIGHT know   
GG: ???   
TG: dont ask   
GG: well your secret is safe with me!!  
TG:   
TG: thanks jade   
GG: it is no problem C:   



	5. dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's dirk.

DAVE: yo   
DIRK: Sup.  
DAVE:   
DIRK:   
DAVE:   
DIRK: Dave, what's up.  
DAVE: you remember sittin on the rooftop right before we fought everyone right  
DAVE: probably better than me at least   
DAVE: whatd i say   
DIRK: A lot of things, mostly about things you didn't know how to tell your friends.   
DAVE: yeah   
DAVE: i kinda had a lot going on   
DAVE: but ive been thinking a lot about it and   
DAVE: did i like   
DAVE: accidentally come out to you on the roof   
DIRK: In what way?  
DAVE: in the gender way   
DIRK: Yeah you did.   
DAVE: did i backpedal it instantly   
DIRK: Also yes.  
DAVE: aight   
DAVE: i wouldnt think too much of it   
DIRK: That's literally not an option for me, you know that.   
DAVE: aight mood but still   
DAVE: its more on me than you   
DIRK: I figured, but it still hurt.   
DIRK: Roxy was a similar way.   
DIRK: I don't know where the idea that I wouldn't be cool with it came from.  
DAVE: its not that i dont think   
DAVE: i did think you might not be but then i remembered you and roxy are cool  
DAVE: but i was also extremely not in the right space to explore it yet either  
DAVE: i think i am now   
DAVE: i kind of have to be given how many people ive dragged into it  
DIRK: Right. Remind me again what this entails?   
DAVE: classic chocolatey pronouns   
DIRK: ...  
DIRK: Oh right, her/she.  
DAVE: yeah   
DIRK: Roxy used the same line when she came out to me.  
DAVE: yeah i stole it from her   
DAVE: nabbed that shit  
DAVE: its not good shit but it is snappy   
DAVE: also   
DAVE: im a girl   
DAVE: thats all at the moment   
DAVE: no fancy names or anything   
DAVE: might not even bother with a name change  
DAVE: not like trolls are gonna get on me like   
DAVE: "oh your name is gendered"  
DAVE: when theyre out here named somethin like  
DAVE: corvus crepes  
DAVE: thats my new troll oc   
DAVE: i guess their character trait is that they ate a baby once   
DAVE: maybe thats not that weird for trolls  
DAVE:   
DAVE: ive been thinkin about it though   
DAVE:   
ROBIN:   
ROBIN:   
ROBIN: youre thinking of batman arent you   
DIRK: How dare you.  
DIRK: ...  
DIRK: I was actually thinking of the How I Met Your Mother character.   
ROBIN: alright well i was too so thats a bad sign   
ROBIN: maybe it will be because of the fucking boy-wonder  
DIRK: You'd have to fight Jake for that one.   
ROBIN: i can take his ass   
ROBIN: whats he gonna do   
ROBIN: he aint got SHIT   
DIRK: You're not wrong, you do have the physical strength on him.  
DIRK: But do you have the emotional strength to beat the shit out of Jake English?  
ROBIN: also yes  
DIRK: Yeah, you could, probably.  
DIRK: Seems my training only really made him want to fight less.  
ROBIN: that tracks   
ROBIN: um  
ROBIN: thanks for listening to me i guess  
DIRK: Are you going to hug me again?  
ROBIN: do you want one   
DIRK: Not particularly.  
ROBIN: then no  
DIRK: Cool.  
ROBIN: cool  



	6. robin

> Robin invites John over to her house.  
> They're fuckin' chilling.   
> They are just fucking sitting.  
JOHN: hey!! what's up   
DAVE: give it a minute rose has gotta get here too   
JOHN: oh?   
DAVE: yeah its that kinda thing  
JOHN: well, okay! i will wait here then.   
DAVE: yeah cool   
DAVE: ywanna put something on   
JOHN: sure, what've you got?   
DAVE: i got naruto   
JOHN: ...  
JOHN: i have never wanted to watch something more in my life.  
DAVE: sick   
DAVE: you wanna start at the beginning or do you wanna start at like   
DAVE: shippuden  
DAVE: maybe a movie??  
DAVE: i dont think were gonna be here for very long  
JOHN: the beginning seems fine to me, it's been ages since i watched naruto.  
> There's a knock at the door.  
> Rose arrives.  
ROSE: Hello.  
DAVE: hey rose   
DAVE: john you here  
JOHN: yes i have been waiting.   
DAVE: um   
DAVE: actually i think i should invite jade too   
DAVE: for the support  
DAVE: so we gotta wait some more   
DAVE: i doubt youd mind watching more naruto though right  
ROSE: I can tolerate him well enough, yes.  
JOHN: of course i don't mind!   
JOHN: i forgot how much i liked this.   
DAVE: dude  
DAVE: how could you forget about naruto   
DAVE: he died for our fucking sins  
DAVE: and this is how you repay him   
ROSE: Yeah John, if you visit Golgotha today, you can find his headband buried beneath the hill.   
ROSE: How could you forget?  
JOHN: i'm just not very attuned to anime!   
JOHN: i thought avatar the show not the movie was anime for a while.  
DAVE: wow really  
DAVE: did you think nickelodeon was just like   
DAVE: gonna pivot into anime   
JOHN: they did show kappa mikey.  
ROSE: Hm.   
DAVE: john  
DAVE: did you fall for fucking kappa mikey  
JOHN: ...  
DAVE: did you look at kappa fucking mikey and think that was what anime was  
JOHN: no, no i didn't.  
JOHN: and if i did, so what!!   
JOHN: it's not like it MATTERS.   
JOHN: i was like ten!  
DAVE: but you just said it now and you are 16   
ROSE: I'd also argue that it does matter.  
ROSE: When discussing the nuances of Utena I think it's important to have a rich cultural cache.   
ROSE: A wealth of knowledge of the medium itself is useful, lest your ideas of what they are become myopic.  
ROSE: And Kappa Mikey isn't anime at all.  
JOHN: aghhhh!!!  
> Jade arrives.  
JADE: hello!   
JADE: how are you all today.   
JOHN: i'm being bullied.  
JADE: oh?  
JOHN: dave found out i thought kappa mikey was real anime.  
JADE: you WHAT?? :O  
JOHN: it's an understandable mistake.  
DAVE: no its not   
ROSE: Hello Jade, we were just about to be informed of something.   
JADE: oh, i know already.  
ROSE: Oh?   
JADE: i'll let them say it, it's their thing!!  
DAVE: yeah its my thing to say   
JOHN: i am now listening instead of waiting!  
DAVE: ill just kinda rip off the bandaid here for once   
DAVE: shits getting so said   
DAVE: gonna look back at this moment and think   
DAVE: wow she really said that   
DAVE: didnt fuckin waltz around it or anything   
DAVE: not even a harsh topic change like   
DAVE: whats the deal with airline food or whatever  
DAVE: she just fucking said it and there was no pain about it whatsoever  
DAVE: like some kind of well adjusted person   
DAVE: who has normal feelings and isnt in her own head   
ROSE: ...  
ROSE: That sure is a lot of shes and hers.  
JADE: snorts   
DAVE: dont embarrass me you two what if a girl sees   
DAVE: anyway  
DAVE: yeah thats why were here  
DAVE: meaning of life? turns out its gender   
JOHN: this is the shittiest answer to the ultimate riddle ever.  
DAVE: ok i was not expecting a fuck gender joke from you john   
ROSE: Did you have something in mind?   
DAVE: crows  
ROSE: Very unique gender, very trollish.  
DAVE: yeah i picked it up from karkat   
DAVE: oh girl too   
ROSE: Oh?  
ROSE: I assume this means the she/her pronouns you used just now were the ones you chose, but I've been prone to misreading you before.   
ROSE: For example, I had never imagined you as my sister until now.   
DAVE: and   
DAVE: hows that thought feel running around and bumping into all that discredited psychology  
DAVE: runnin laps in your brain  
DAVE: tripping over your wizard robes and accidentally learning shit about harry potter  
DAVE: uh oh now my thoughtself is having orb dreams  
DAVE: whats it mean   
DAVE: what does it MEAN   
DAVE: oh its just a fucking macguffin   
DAVE: like we didnt have enough of those   
ROSE: You sure do know a lot about Harry Potter.  
DAVE: it is a curse you bestowed upon me  
DAVE: my thoughtself just fucking took a single look   
DAVE: its like that show chuck but for loser liberal shit   
DAVE: dobby was just mystically implanted in my brain by the government   
DAVE: looked into the matrix and saw the spirit of albus dumbledorf   
DAVE: hows the gender though   
ROSE: Quite well-done.   
ROSE: It'll take some getting used to, as all changes do, but I'm proud of you.   
ROSE: Let me know if you need anything, alright?  
DAVE: aight   
DAVE: john you good   
JOHN: i think so!   
JOHN: ...oh is this what jade was acting so weird about?   
JADE: yeah, it was.   
JADE: sorry for snapping at you, john.   
JADE: i just didn't want to out someone, you know?   
JOHN: i think it's okay. you're forgiven!   
DAVE: hows it feel though  
JOHN: i think it's cool!  
DAVE: sick   
DAVE: oh also   
ROBIN: how do you all feel about this one  
JADE: oh it's really good!   
JADE: i like it. c:   
JOHN: i am thinking of a joke but all i am thinking of is the teen titan.   
ROBIN: fuck batman is the thing   
ROBIN: the thing about that is fuck batman  
ROSE: Did.  
ROSE: Did you fucking name yourself after the How I Met Your Mother character?  
ROBIN: rose   
ROBIN: rosalie  
ROBIN: rosaria  
ROSE: Yes?  
ROBIN: fuck no   
ROSE: Did you name yourself after a fictional character at all??  
ROBIN: nope   
ROBIN: well sorta   
ROBIN: i wanted a name that started with r o   
ROBIN: you know   
ROBIN: like you and roxy have   
ROBIN: so it fits in nicely   
ROSE: That's very sweet.  
ROSE: ... It is 5 letters though.  
ROBIN: yeah and   
ROSE: It just seems a little bit out of place.   
ROSE: It's not worth changing, over,   
ROBIN: how did that happen anyway  
ROBIN: did some grand dumbfuck just decide   
ROBIN: all these kids are gonna have 4 letter names   
ROBIN: was it caliborn  
ROSE: It may have been Caliborn.   
ROBIN: fuck that guy  
ROBIN: hm  
ROBIN: rose say something about me  
ROBIN: but like   
ROBIN: using the name   
ROSE: It's quite curious how my sister Robin knows quite a bit about Harry Potter despite making fun of me for it.   
ROBIN: haha  
ROBIN:   
ROBIN: yeah   
JOHN: haha that is quite a question.   
JOHN: hold on.   
JOHN: oh is that oscar juice? are you giving us the oscar juice?   
ROBIN: a little bit   
JADE: oh my god robin are you okay??  
ROBIN: yeah im good  
JADE: oh my god!!  
JADE: john get the camera!!  
JOHN: haha i'm going to put this on the fridge.   
ROSE: I'm telling Karkat about this immediately.   
JADE: karkat NEEDS to know about this   
ROBIN: i have never been anything but nice to you all  
ROBIN: accomodating as fuck  
ROBIN: and youre gonna dox me in my own house  
JADE: who else is left robin?  
ROBIN: um  
ROBIN: you know john knows rose knows  
ROBIN: karkat and nepeta know  
ROBIN: dirk and roxy know   
ROBIN: jane and jake dont   
ROBIN: neither do terezi or kanaya   
ROBIN: oh right some trolls came back  
ROBIN: but you know im not gonna pull the fish troll aside and be like  
ROBIN: hey weve literally never spoken but im a girl   
ROBIN: id feel kinda bad about not telling terezi   
ROBIN: but shes so in her feelings these days   
ROBIN: i dunno what shed have to say other than "cool"  
ROBIN: and shed screech it and itd hurt just a little bit   
ROSE: Kanaya's also transgender by troll standards, so I'm sure she'd understand toO.  
ROSE: I'm certain she'd love to help you get a look together.   
ROBIN: that does sound fucking tight actually   
ROSE: I'll let her know, if you want.  
ROBIN: fuck yeah   



End file.
